For Posterity's Sake: The Hillbilly Spelling Test and other fun Kentuckiana Jokes.

I live in Oklahoma. Just change to Oklahoma/Texas. Oh, I've heard much worse.

All I can say is ......wow.

LOL.

:)

Three rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower: Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie. As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, 'Well, shucks, someone should go and tell his wife.
Donnie says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.' Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.
Ronnie says, 'Where did you get that beer, Donnie?'
'Cooter's wife gave it to me,' Ronnie replies.
'That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?' 'Well, not exactly', Donnie says. 'When she answered the door, I said to her, "you must be Cooter's widow."
She said, 'You must be mistaken. I'm not a widow.' Then I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are.'

Rednecks are good at sensitive stuff.

Sad to say, I did not need the translation! :)

When I lived in Indianapolis the joke was: Indiana has the world's largest zoo...yup, they put a fence up around Kentucky!

I wish I had some Florida redneck jokes to add. Unfortunately, it's all true.

In Florida we lived so far back in the woods they had to pipe in sunshine, just down the road from where the gopher hole leaned up against the stump, close to where the lighter knot crawled under the collard leaf and made pot licker.

Pretty funny stuff, ebeneezer, but this is my favorite--

a stroll down amnesia lane...

That one cost me a keyboard. :-)

Me Iowa/Minnesota, what's the difference between an Iowa/Minnesota girl and a bag of trash? At least the trash gets taken out once a week.... I've lived in both states so I can go either way.

Didn't need the translation...

I'm glad to see the chuckles, You know you're from Indiana when "Vacation" means going to the State Fair or driving through Amish Country. You know where alllllll the Yoders live. You know what "knee high by the fourth of July" means. You say catty wampus and kitty corner. You carry jumper cables in your car. And lastly, the four major food groups are beef, pork, beer and Jell-o salad with marshmellows gotta love us Hoosiers lol

Ebeneezer, I enjoy your column. Keep at it! I think you may enjoy this:

WURDS AT A WEST KENTUCKY FAMILY REUNION

"Wur wur ewe in Kentucky?"

"We wur in thuh central part, wur thuh big cities wur. Thank goodness wur back home now wur folks talk wur we kin unnerstan 'em."

"Yeah, everwur we go, and wurever wur at, wur misunnerstood, too. But wur not wurried, 'cause wur not goin' anywur near wur you wur."

Translation:

"Where were you in Kentucky?"

"We were in the central part where the big cities were(are). Thank Goodness we're back home now where folks talk where we can understand them."

"Yes, everywhere we go, and wherever we're at, we're misunderstood, too. But we're not worried because we're not going anywhere near where you were."

two good ol boys driven down a country road.and the driver sees a sheep caught in the barb wire.he slams the car in park and says "i'm going to get some".after he is done .he calls over to his buddy and asks "you want some of this"...his buddy runs over and sticks his head in the wire>>>

We do the same thing in Ohio especially about michigan.

One day in an elementary school in Ann Arbor Michigan, a teacher asks her class if the Michigan Wolverines are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The Ohio State Buckeyes."

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Buckeye fan, my mom is a Buckeye fan, I guess that makes me a Buckeye fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Michigan fan."

ND bashes SD

SD, where the men are men and so are the women.

I'm from the Mississippi, one cousin wedding away from Kentucky.

What's sure-fire pick-up line in Arkansas?

"Nice tooth."

LOL! :D thanks

Here's one

Q: What does a rednecks family tree look like?

A: A strait line

I love it.

OMG it's infectious...jokes are the best and humor the greatest...be it any state and there's lotsa stuff floating around...great article keep it up

A couple jokes I just have to share.

Subj: Idiot sightings

IDIOT SIGHTING

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS

IDIOT SIGHTING:

The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.

I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two.'

We haven't used Sears repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.

She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back. She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.

IDIOT SIGHTING :

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

From Kingman , KS

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE :

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell
and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry,
but they only had iceberg lettuce..
-- From Kansas City

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded,

'That's why we ask.'

Happened in Birmingham , Ala.

IDIOT SIGHTING :

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS

IDIOT SIGHTING :

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,' our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

IDIOT SIGHTING :

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff’s office, no less.

How would you pronounce this child's name?

Lei?? Guess Again.

This child attends a school in Kansas City , Mo. Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. It's pronounced "Ledasha", When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."

SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash. If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.

STAY ALERT!

They walk among us .... and they VOTE and REPRODUCE!

And the other for those that take offense to "anti-christian" comments, here is an example of the referenced.

> Subject: Irate driver

>

>

> A man was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard.
Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right
thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red
light by accelerating through the intersection.

>

> The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in
frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping
her cell phone and makeup. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her
window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The
officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the
police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed
in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and
opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting
officer was waiting with her personal effects.

>

> He said, ''I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind
your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of
you, and cussing a blue streak at him..... I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do'
bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to
Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian
fish emblem on the trunk; naturally...I assumed you had stolen the car ..''

>

> Priceless